


I Won't Blame You

by rudennotgingr



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, F/M, Fluff, Human AU, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-12 05:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3345866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudennotgingr/pseuds/rudennotgingr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a night of too much drinking, James wakes up to find someone sharing his bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a plot bunny that bit and wouldn't leave me alone. Blame Bruno Mars and his song "Marry You". Huge thanks to jabber-who-key for looking over the super rough draft for me. I changed/added a lot after she looked at it, so all mistakes are mine.

James woke slowly, his eyes fighting his brain's urging to open up and discover what was making his arm fall asleep. As his lids peeked open, the light set off a painful throbbing in his skull. He wrenched his eyes shut a moment, groaning quietly. Apparently he had enjoyed last night's festivities a little too much. Trying to brave daylight once more, his gaze fell upon a mass of blonde curls resting on his chest.

Or perhaps he'd enjoyed the festivities _way_ too much.

Shit.

Who was he in a bed with?

_In a bed?_

Shit shit shit.

He took inventory. His shirt was gone. His trousers were gone. His pants were, thankfully, still on. Wait...he was still wearing his tie? What the hell?

His sleeping partner shifted slightly, stretching her arm and making him suddenly aware that her hand was down his pants. Not touching his morning stiffy (thank god) but dangerously close. She was the cause of his tingling left arm. He couldn't be certain, but he would bet money that the warmth seeping into his fingers on said arm were curved around her bum. He didn't have enough feeling to gauge whether or not she was wearing knickers.

Oh fuck.

He wiggled the fingers of his other hand, realizing too late that they were twined with hers and pressed under her cheek. The blonde stirred, stretching her legs out before hiking a knee over his thigh and wedging her foot between his legs.

Bile rose in his throat and his stomach sank. Here came the inevitable. The awkward morning after and the "and you are?".

She yawned, burying her face adorably into his chest and making his heart race despite the horror of the situation. Maybe he'd be lucky and they hadn't actually done...anything the night before. He hoped she knew. Try as he might, he couldn't remember shit from the night before. Well, he could remember Mickey and Martha's wedding. It was everything _after_ that.

He forced himself to smile (as reassuring as he possibly could) as she finally looked up at him, a sleepy grin on her face.

Her droopy eyelids popped wide in recognition the same time his did.

"Rose?"

"James?"

They scrambled away from each other as much as possible without leaving the bed. Although the only reason he hadn't leapt up was his brain's groggy response time. This was very not good. They had been best mates for years. Of course, it hadn't taken him long to fall head over heels for her. But that was something he had kept mostly to himself, certainly nothing he had ever admitted to her. Sometimes he had the feeling she knew anyway and never spoke about it since she didn't return his feelings. Why would she? She was _Rose Tyler_ and he was...just James. Wild haired, tall and skinny, socially awkward James.

What the hell had he done last night? Ending up in bed with Rose was a fantasy his brain had conjured often, but he had never, ever wanted their first time to be like this. When James found him, he was going to kill Mickey. Stupid Vegas weddings...

He noticed she was wearing his oxford...and that it wasn't buttoned properly. He caught a glimpse of her breasts and quickly averted his eyes to the ceiling, his cheeks burning red. There was an awkward pause then a muffled squeal from her direction. He snatched at the sheets as he felt them slide over his body.

"Oi! What are you doing?" James snapped at her. Thankfully she had closed his shirt, but that didn't explain why she was taking the sheets from him.

"I _need_ them," she insisted, eyes flashing as she tugged the covers back towards her.

"You need them? I'm not wearing trousers!"

"Trust me, I need them more." Her face was flushed and her jaw clenched as she stared him down.

"How? How could you possibly need them more?" He pulled them back in his direction. His erection had started to vanish...until he had accidentally caught sight of her chest. He would die of humiliation if she noticed.

"I'm not wearing any knickers," she hissed, cheeks pink as she yanked at the sheets again.

His jaw dropped and his mind rocketed off into all the possible reasons _why_ she wouldn't be wearing any knickers. Blimey, he had definitely been touching her bare arse. He regained enough composure to keep his embarrassing lower half covered before she took all the sheets away.

He scrubbed a hand down his face, unable to come up with anything from the night before. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to dull the pounding in his head enough to concentrate.

"Why are you still wearing your tie?" Rose asked, interrupting his thought process.

He blinked, dropping his hand to look at her, then burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" She crossed her arms, having secured the sheet properly around her waist.

"We wake up, in bed, _together_." He propped himself up against the headboard, drawing out the last word and staring her straight in the eye. "Our clothes are supposedly around the room somewhere and you want to know why I'm still wearing a tie. Well, I want to know why _you_ are wearing nought but _my_ shirt?"

"Um," her eyes glanced down at her current attire then moved to trail down his bare chest. James arched an eyebrow when her gaze finally returned to his face. "Well, I don't know!" she shouted in frustration, clearly flustered at being caught. It filled him with a certain twisted joy and gave his ego a boost. But it was a behavior he didn't recall seeing from her before.

"Rose," he hesitated, almost afraid to ask his next question. "What _do_ you remember from last night?"

She chewed her lip and furrowed her brow then shook her head. "I dunno. What do you remember?"

"Er," he tugged on his ear. "Not much. I remember...Mickey and Martha's wedding. And then the reception. Mostly." She arched an eyebrow, a knowing look on her face. He rolled his eyes. "Alright, vaguely. Around then it all honestly becomes a blur of drinks."

"You were tossing them back rather quickly." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, a glint of metal catching his eye.

"What's that?" he asked in horror, dread curling in his stomach.

"What?" She looked over her shoulder then back at him in confusion.

"On your hand."

"What do you mean..." she trailed off, holding her hand out for both of them to see, "...on...my...hand." Her ring finger was circled in a plain gold band.

James groaned as he looked at his own hand, finding a matching gold band. "We didn't." The pain in his head took a back seat to the anxiety and embarrassment clawing at his insides. "Did we?"

"Oh, we definitely did." Her head bobbed in some combination of nodding in affirmation of the living nightmare and shaking in disbelief. The curls in her hair, left over from her fancy up do the night before, bounced around her shoulders. Her makeup was slightly smudged, but in an adorable sleepy way.

She was beautiful.

He swallowed, ignoring the ache in his chest. "Maybe we didn't and we just--"

"No. We did. I remember now. Unless I dreamed it..." She rubbed her temple. "Doesn't your head hurt?"

"Excruciatingly so, actually. The pain seems to not be so noticeable when I try and remember what happened. Probably because my body starts going into cardiac arrest."

"Don't be so dramatic. Didn't realize ending up accidentally married to me would be so bloody awful," she grumbled, propping up a pillow before leaning back against the headboard beside him.

"It's not. I never wanted it to be an accident though."

She turned her head towards him and arched an eyebrow.

"I mean..." His brain fumbled, deciding the best way to save himself from what he just partially admitted was diversion. "Rose, you're practically naked and you don't seem the least bit concerned."

"So it's the accidental _sleeping_ with me that's the problem?" She twisted her body so that she was propped up on her side, his shirt and the thin bed sheet doing nothing to hide the curve of her hip.

His eyes traced the silhouette of her body, his fingers itching to follow. His eyes snapped to her face, his clouded brain finally registering her question.

"What? No. But if we did, er, sleep together I would have rather liked to be able to recall the incident."

"So this is something you've thought a lot about then?"

"No. No, course not."

"Not attracted to me at all then, yeah?" She reached out, adjusting his tie as if it were the most natural gesture in the world. And as if he were wearing a shirt and it actually made a difference.

"That's not...I didn't..." His heart was racing and his mind couldn't process what exactly was going on.

"You are allowed to say no." She pulled her hand away and shrugged. "I won't take it as an insult. Not everyone can find me appealing."

"They'd have to be bloody blind not to," James blurted. Well shit. What the hell was she playing at?

"So you do then?" All trace of humor disappeared, her sudden seriousness puzzling him further.

They were half naked and in bed together. And apparently married. Might as well own up to it.

"Yes, but I don't see what this has to do with--"

"I needed to be sure."

"Why?"

"Where's my phone?" She sat up, looking around the posh hotel room.

"Could you please answer the question?"

"Oh, there it is." Before he could object, she moved to lean over him. One hand gripped his hip for balance as she tried to reach the nightstand on his side of the bed. His hand shot out, encircling her wrist to ensure her hand didn't slip. Reaching forward with her free hand, one of her legs slowly inched into the air.

"Rose," he warned, seeing in his mind what was about to happen.

"Almost--" she pitched forward and his free hand grabbed her waist. She grunted as she landed fully on top of him, sandwiching his arm firmly under her breasts. "Got it!"

He didn't share her enthusiasm. The sheet had slipped from around her waist and his shirt had ridden up to expose the curve of her perfect bum. How did one get such a great arse? Compounded with her weight solidly resting on him and the smell of her lingering perfume reaching his nose...his body was quickly betraying his efforts to remain unaffected. He closed his eyes, trying desperately to think of anything other than Rose.

"You said you weren't wearing trousers, yeah?"

James bit down on his tongue, breathing deeply and wishing he had control of his blood flow. He gave a muffled affirmation and felt her hair tickle his chest as she turned her head. His cock twitched. He felt his cheeks heat up and the urge to melt into the bed crashed over him.

"So that's...?"

He opened his eyes, staring at her probably far more intensely than she would like.

"Right. I'll just...move."

Rose moved backwards, sliding tantalizingly over his body. He tightened his grip on her.

"Not like that," he said through gritted teeth.

She bit her lip and he swore he saw amusement dancing in her amber eyes. Nodding her head, she straightened up but made no effort to scoot away. He exhaled roughly, trying to ignore her knees pressed into his thigh. Thank God for the sheet.

"Why did you need your phone _that_ badly?" he grumbled. "I could have just handed it to you and avoided all...all _that_."

"Oh, umm." She looked down, watching her hands turning her mobile over and over. Her abrupt shyness had him confused. This was a side of her people rarely got to see. He considered himself fortunate to be someone she could be this way around. Shy and vulnerable. Still...it was a rarity.

"Rose?" he asked softly, reaching out to cover her hands with one of his own. "You don't have to tell me, if--if you've changed your mind."

Her eyes shot to his. "It's not that," she admitted quietly. "Not really."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm afraid you'll change your mind."

"About what? This?" Her eyes dropped to her phone again and she pulled her hands free from his, pushing buttons on her screen. Her actions weren't making any sense to him. James couldn't recall her ever expressing any interest in wanting to be more than friends. Or had he been that blind? "You can't possibly want this? To be married. Least of all to me."

Rose didn't answer him directly, merely shrugged. "Just...watch," she said, her tone flat.

He gave her a puzzled expression and took the mobile from her outstretched hand. Getting no more clues from her, he looked at the tiny screen and pressed the play button.

His own face from the night before filled the screen. His grin was lopsided and his eyes shone. He was clearly intoxicated--heavily.

_"Rose Tyler," he slurred, drawing out her name. His eyes flicked to the person holding the phone. "How am I supposed to do this if you keep giggling at me?"_

_"I am not giggling," came Rose's voice, also obviously drunk._

_Video James giggled and pointed unsteadily at the phone. "You very much are."_

_"Am not."_

_"Liar."_

_"Well, maybe I am. A bit. But you say my name all...adorable and silly."_

_"Silly?" James scrunched up his face._

_"Not silly silly. Silly...like...I dunno. It makes me all bubbly and giddy inside."_

_He smiled smugly into the phone. "Quite right too." He waggled his eyebrows and downed a drink._

_"Oi! You're supposed to be... _proposing_." Video Rose whispered the last word as if it were top secret, yet had forgotten she was talking directly into the phone's speaker._

_"Oh! Right, right." He cleared his throat. "So...this is proposal number...what did we decide on? Forty-two? But apparently none of those were official proposals because I didn't get down on one knee. Which, shame on me. But I would like record to show that I still meant each and every one of them."_

_Video Rose, who was still out of shot, began laughing uncontrollably, causing the phone to shake wildly and make James dizzy in his hangover._

_"So," video James began, getting down on one knee and ignoring her lingering laughter. "I've loved you for what feels like a thousand years. My whole life I feel like I've been waiting for something. For someone. For you. I know without a doubt that our souls were made for each other. Rose Tyler, will you marry me?"_

_There was some muttering and muffled exchange, while video James watched in amusement._

_The phone must have been passed off to someone else, because suddenly Rose was in the frame. She yanked him up by his tie, giggling as he stumbled to his feet._

_He watched the screen in apprehensive horror as his drunk self, straightened up and gazed expectantly down at her. Any idiot could pick out the unabashed love written all over his face. He couldn't help when his eyes widened as Rose grabbed the lapels of his suit jacket and yanked him down to her, their lips crashing sloppily together. He had clearly been surprised, taking several seconds before wrapping his arms around her and kissing her back. Cheering sounded in the background and it was several seconds more before they pulled apart._

_"Was that a yes?" video James asked her breathlessly._

_"Yes,” she replied, a beaming grin on her face._

_This time, he initiated the meeting of lips, eagerly pressing forward. Their bodies were impossibly close together and they were both smiling into the kiss._

The video ended.

James was unable to collect his thoughts. He had royally cocked this up, that was for sure. Would Rose be able to forgive him? Would she even want to be friends with him after this? Oh fuck. Would she want to know if he had actually meant all of it? Flashes of asking her to marry him, over and over, as he became more and more intoxicated flitted to the surface. He stared blankly at her mobile still in his hands, wondering why he had continued to make an ass out of himself. Why had she put up with it? Probably the alcohol.

"Well?" she asked softly.

He swallowed and looked up at her. "Yeah?"

"Did you mean all of that?" She gestured at the phone, her meaning perfectly clear.

He opened his mouth to tell her no, to make up some lie and hope that she would forgive him.

" _Do_ you mean it?"

He clicked his jaw shut. It would be one thing to brush of the previous night's actions as drunken insanity. It would be entirely different to deny it now when he was sober. He couldn't lie to her like that. She was watching him expectantly, waiting for an answer.

He drew in a deep breath. "Yes."

"You promise?" she asked, tilting her head.

"Yes," he answered without hesitation.

"You swear?" she pressed, leaning forward.

"Yes." He fumbled with her mobile still in his hands. He was feeling like he was under some sort of test or interrogation, but he couldn't understand why.

"On your life?"

"Yes!" he burst out, tossing her phone to the end of the bed. "Fuck, Rose. Do you have to make this anymore awkward than it already is? I love you and you don't love me. It's fine. I get it. But--"

"You are so daft," she taunted, a small smile on her lips.

"Excuse me?" He furrowed his brow and bit back the rude retort on the tip of his tongue. He had never thought that if his feelings for her had been brought to light that she would be one to tease him for it.

"You're thick." She placed her hands on her hips and was grinning fully now.

"Yes, thank you," he said sarcastically, his frustration bleeding into his words. "I'm quite aware that I made an idiot out of myself last night. And--"

"No," she interrupted, drawing the word out. "You're making an idiot of yourself right now."

"I--what? I don't understand."

"If you would shut up for two seconds, you'd know that..." she paused, biting her bottom lip and twisting her hands nervously in her lap, "Well, me too."

James heard her words, could read them on her lips, but his mind refused to let them sink in. He stared at her blankly. "You too what?"

Shyly, she slipped one of her hands into his and squeezed. His heart stopped beating and time seemed to come to a stop. There was no way she actually returned his feelings...was there? Rose's implication slowly sank in as she brushed her thumb lightly over the back of his, letting him figure it out on his own.

"Wait...you do?"

She nodded.

"Seriously?"

"Yes," she giggled.

His heart felt like it would burst with happiness. He couldn't help himself, he launched himself at her, pinning her to the bed. One hand slid into her hair as his lips found hers. It was sloppy and awkward and overly enthusiastic and _perfect_. It didn't take long for them to find a suitable rhythm. His body was brimming with energy, every nerve firing in response to each subtle movement of her body,

When he pulled away, they were both breathing heavily.

"Just to be clear," he began, looking down at her, "You love me and it's ok that we got married?"

"It's a bit backwards. And mum will probably flip. But...yeah." She scratched at the back of his neck, her smile blinding and radiant. "Yeah, it is."

He dipped his head, kissing her once more. This time, his tongue delved into her mouth. She groaned and arched into him. Abruptly, he pulled back.

"Um, what about...you know...what did or did not happen last night? Most of our clothes _obviously_ went missing. I'm still not entirely sure..."

"I'm fairly certain we didn't shag if that's what you mean."

"Oh."

"You sound disappointed," Rose teased.

"I'm not. Well, I am. A bit. What'd we do then? Come back with the intention of doing it then pass out?" James frowned. "That's not very impressive."

"I may need you jog my memory. But I think we had the intention and then I was distracted by that _impressive_ tongue of yours."

His eyes darted between hers, searching for an answer he couldn't find. "...I don't follow."

Rose pulled his head down, her lips brushing over the shell of his ear as she whispered, "I'm not wearing any knickers and there's a bite mark on my inner thigh."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine. Also, I am unfamiliar with the way a doctors office visit works in the UK and seeing as how my internet has been uncooperative the past week, I based that section off of my experiences here in America. So if it's totally off base...shhhh, just go with it.

They stayed an extra week in Las Vegas, jokingly calling it their honeymoon.

James didn't say anything out loud, but he was already planning a "real" honeymoon in his head. He would never forgive himself for not giving her the very best.

(Rose knew anyway.)

They became better acquainted with the two men who had apparently been their witnesses, Jack and Ianto. Coincidence or not, the other couple was staying at the same hotel and had waved James and Rose over to their table at lunch the second day. (Previous meals had been brought up by room service.) Upon discovering that the two men lived in Cardiff, it was mutually agreed upon to spend a small amount of time together while in Vegas. But more so once they were all back in the UK, once the respective honeymoon's were over.

Rose didn't say anything out loud, but they would have to have some sort of "real" wedding at some point. She would never hear the end of it from her mum if they didn't.

(James knew anyway.)

Aside from the occasional outing with Jack and Ianto, James and Rose spent most of their week cooped up in their hotel room. They laughed and reminisced over times the other had completely missed out on the apparently way too subtle indications that they were interested in being more than friends. Most of it boiled down to a fear of ruining the friendship on both sides, which...while was a good indication that their unintentional marriage would last, was a woeful excuse for missing out on the fantastic sex.

Because it was.

Fantastic.

Brilliant.

Brilltastic even.

(A word James vowed to never, _ever_ use again.)

Like all great things, the honeymoon had to come to an end. Jobs had to be returned to. Mickey and Martha were due an explanation as to why their calls had been ignored. And Jackie Tyler would be needing to know she had become a mother-in-law.

.....

"I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage," James blurted out. That wasn't exactly how he had planned on starting the conversation with Rose's mother. But once he had been seated on the sofa in Jackie's flat the nerves had set in, making his palms sweaty and his carefully crafted explanation fly out the window.

"Well, dear," Jackie replied with a slight frown, "I'd love to give it to you. You seem like a decent bloke and I've always liked you. But...don't you think you should get her to agree to dating you first? I mean, I can't very well say yes if you two aren't even together. That'd be rather improper of me, like forcing one of those arranged marriages." She shook her blonde head, giving him a half sympathetic smile from where she sat in the armchair across from him. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no, love."

"Um, well...see the thing is..." James shifted in his seat, trying to think of the best way to continue from here. They had arrived back in London the day before and he had (foolishly) insisted he be the one to talk to Jackie. His intentions were good, but he probably should have listened and let Rose talk to her first. At least she could have said they had been dating...

"Does she even like you like that? I thought she had a thing for...oh, what's his name? Adam something?"

"Ah, no...she...that is..." He tugged on his ear.

"Just a tick. Is that a ring? On your finger?" She leaned forward, thrusting a finger accusingly in his direction. "You come here asking to marry my daughter but you're already married? And when did that happen? Couldn't have been long, wasn't there two weeks ago! Already regretting it I see."

"Jackie--" He tried to cut her tirade off, having no desire to have the situation result in him joining the victims of the Tyler slap.

"What did you do? Marry some tramp you met in Vegas?," she sneered, ignoring him.

"If you would--"

"Bet you didn't even know you married her. You make me sick, you do." She jumped up from her seat, her eyes flashing with rage. "Get out of my house. And to think I--"

"It was Rose! I married Rose!" James shouted, holding his hands up in defense to ward off her slow approach.

"Pardon?" Jackie stopped mid step, staring at him in confusion.

"I'm married to Rose," he stated with more confidence than he felt. He relaxed as Jackie sank back into her chair. "We, er, sort of accidentally got married while we were in Las Vegas. But it's fine! Everything is fine!"

"What do you mean _accidentally_?"

"Um," he scratched the back of his neck and glanced at the floor, "Well...you see--to be honest, maybe it's better that she tell you that story. I just--"

"Oh my god!" Jackie screeched, her eyes blowing wide. "You've been shagging my daughter! Haven't you? Don't bother denying it. I can see it on your face! How dare you?"

"But I thought you said you liked me!"

"That's before I knew you were screwing my daughter!"

He opened his mouth to argue, to explain, to say _anything_ \--but no sound came out. At that particular moment, the door to Jackie's flat burst open. Rose stood in the doorway, the sunlight streaming in around her like she was some sort of goddess. To James right now...she was. He exhaled in relief as she entered the flat, pulling the door shut behind her.

"Mum, do you have to be so loud?" Rose hissed, entering the living room. "Half of London can hear you!"

"Oh, don't give me that." Jackie rolled her eyes before crossing her arms and fixing her daughter with a firm stare. "Is it true?"

"What?"

"You know bloody well what. Are you two married?" She cocked her head in his direction, but didn't look at him.

Rose calmly sat down next to James on the sofa and took one of his hands in hers, giving him a reassuring smile before looking back at Jackie. "Yes."

There was a pause as Jackie took in Rose's answer and their current body language. Her shoulders slumped and her face softened. "You got married without me?" she asked quietly, an undertone of hurt in her voice.

"Mum," Rose began gently, "It wasn't intentional. And--"

"Is it because he knocked you up?" she whispered, as if James wasn’t in the room.

In a panic, he turned his head to Rose. His heart leapt in his throat. He swore they had been careful. He wasn’t ready to be a father.

"What?” Rose blinked, caught completely off guard. “No--"

"Because you don't have to get married just for that, sweetheart. You--"

"Mum, would you shut up? I am not _pregnant_.” She looked at James and he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. She placed her other hand over their already joined hands then looked back at her mother. “And while the marriage may not have been planned, I'm happy. _We're_ happy."

"Oh, alright,” Jackie conceded. “As long as it's what you want, dear. I just can't believe I missed it."

"We can talk about that part later,” Rose said, casting a sideways glance at him.

"No, really it's fine," James cut in. Both women turned to him. "Well, it's just...I knew it would be important to your mother to-to be there. And even though you haven't said anything, I know you want a proper ceremony. Nothing over the top of course, but...um. Even though my family isn't--I just thought, or assumed that...we..."

"Oh come here you," Jackie said with tears in her eyes. She stood up and pulled James into an awkward hug, kissing him on both cheeks.

While he was glad the announcement had ended up being received rather well, he hoped that kisses from Jackie Tyler weren’t going to become the normal. Although, he had to admit, they were much better than slaps.

As long as she stuck to his cheeks.

.....

Rose sat in the doctor's office, reading the health bulletins and pamphlet titles for what had to be the hundredth time. Now that her and James were officially together, she really needed to get back on birth control. The price of condoms was ridiculous and she didn't want to have to depend on having one at the ready whenever they were _ready_. 

She had only stopped taking it in the first place because the brand they had switched her to (something about different manufacturers) had made her way too hormonal. So she had stopped taking it and under the advice of her doctor, waited for her body to cycle at least one time on its own before scheduling a check up and trying a different brand. Once she had finally had her period and knowing she was going to be headed to Vegas in two weeks, she decided to just wait until returning to London before worrying about it.

Good thing James had been prepared that first day after Mickey and Martha’s wedding. And that the nearest drug store had only been a short walk from their hotel.

The soonest her doctor could fit her in was a week after they had returned.

So, here she sat. Waiting.

She was about to start another sweep of the boring reading material when there was a knock on the door, followed by the entrance of Dr White.

"Sorry for the delay," she said with a tight smile, setting some papers down on the counter and closing the door.

"It's alright,” Rose assured her.

The older woman nodded, then glanced briefly at the paper work before turning fully to Rose. She leaned against the counter and clasped her hands in front of her. "Well, you're in perfect health. But I won't be able to prescribe you birth control at the moment."

"Why not?"

"There are a couple of tests we run on your urine sample--"

"I thought you said I was in perfect health?" Rose interrupted, trying and probably failing to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"You are. I want to assure you, there is nothing _wrong_ with you."

"Then...what's the problem?"

Dr White answered her question with another question, "You said you've been sexually active recently?"

"Yes, but I don't..." she trailed off, a possibility she hadn't even considered wriggling its way into her mind.

"Rose, you're pregnant."

"But...we used protection."

"Every single time?" the doctor asked skeptically.

"Yeah.” Rose paused a moment. She was actually completely certain they had. There would have only been one time they wouldn’t have. But that would mean that what they considered to be their first time would actually be their second. She shook her head, trying to clear it. “I mean, I'm pretty sure we have."

"Even if you had, no birth control is 100% effective,” Dr White responded, not pushing the issue further. “If you would like, after some other questions and tests to determine how far along you are, we can arrange to--"

"I don't want to get rid of it if that's what you're getting at," Rose snapped. She swallowed, caught off guard by how protective she already was of the tiny life she didn't know she had been carrying inside her.

The other woman’s eyebrows raised slightly. "It's completely up to you of course. I wasn't trying to sway you one way or the other. Just wanted to let you know that was an option."

"Well, I'm not interested."

"Then we definitely need to determine how far along you are."

Rose nodded and tried not to think about how James was going to react until after her appointment was over.

Twenty minutes later, she was in her parked car--crying.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the wonderful jabber-who-key.

"Are you alright, Rose?" James asked, his arm stretched along the sofa back behind her. 

"Hmm?" She slowly turned to him and tucked her legs underneath her, the tender way he spoke her name breaking through the chaos in her mind. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I'm not--"

"I've been rambling for the past five minutes about the high art of Disney films and you've agreed the whole time."

She chewed her bottom lip. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"Hey," he hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her head up, brushing his thumb along her jaw line. "What's wrong?"

Rose stared at him, torn between not wanting to tell him and continuing to lie to him. It had only been three days since her appointment, but she'd avoided him as much as possible. Which was stupid considering they were married, even if they did continue to live separately for the time being. 

A conversation they'd had months ago, well before being in any sort of relationship, about being a parent floated to the forefront of her mind. James had said he didn't want children. That the loss of his parents when he was young left him with nothing to go off of, that he would make a horrible parent. She had disagreed then and disagreed even more so now. But he had been adamant, kids fit nowhere into his life plan. The fear that he would bolt as soon as she told him she was pregnant ensnared her heart, bringing tears to her eyes.

"You can tell me. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out." He turned the telly off and angled his body to her, knees pressing into hers and shifting his fingers to fully cup her cheek. "Together."

"I'm pregnant," Rose blurted, willing the tears to stay put for the moment. She held her breath, waiting for him to yell or shout or what she had known him to do in his previous relationships, run.

His face blanked out and something flickered in his eyes, something that was there and gone too quick for her to recognize. His fingers still cupping her face curled tighter against her skin. He blinked, once, twice...three times then shook his head. "I'm sorry, could you--" he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Could you...say that again?"

"I'm pregnant. _We're_ pregnant." Normally she thought the whole _we're pregnant_ thing a bit silly. Only one party in the relationship was ever _literally_ pregnant. But she needed to be sure that he understood the baby was his.

He pulled away from her, releasing her chin to run the hand over his own face. The light faded from his eyes as he stared at the blank screen of the telly. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but sitting next to her. The loss of his touch and his easy warmth, left her feeling cold and alone. A tear trickled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away, drawing in a shaky breath. Her heart beat echoed in her ears as they sat in unbearable silence.

"Say something," she begged, her hoarse whisper sounding too loud to her own ears.

"When did you find out?" James didn't even bother to look at her.

She debated telling him she had only found out this morning, thinking that would somehow lessen the blow. Taking in his slumped frame, she knew in the end it wouldn't make a difference. She had started with the truth, he deserved for her to stick with it. She wrapped her tightly arms around her torso, as if it would keep her heart from breaking.

"Three days ago," she responded.

His head whipped around. "Three--and you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't know how." It was the truth. Every scenario she had played through her mind ended with him leaving and her in tears.

"No wonder you've been avoiding me. Don't think I didn't notice. I just thought..." He stared at her, the vacancy on his face giving her chills. He shook his head, snapping out of whatever path his mind had taken. "Nevermind what I thought. _Three days?_ "

"I'm sorry. I--"

"Don't," James snapped, holding up a hand. Light had returned to his eyes, but it was crackling and violent, like lightening signaling the beginning of a storm. "I don't want to hear whatever excuse you have. I don't want to hear about whatever comment I _may_ have made to you in the past. You lied to me," he finished quietly, the raw hurt in his soft tone doing more to make her feel guilty than if he had screamed it at her.

"I didn't lie to you." Rose tried to reason with him, not used to being on the receiving end of his temper. Deep down, a voice kept telling her that he was right--a voice she fought to ignore. "Keeping something from you is not the same thing."

"Right," he scoffed. "Omitting the truth is _so_ much better."

"James, please." She tried to reach for him but he jumped to his feet and began pacing in front of the sofa. His rejection stung and she could feel the situation spiraling out of control, making her dizzy and nauseous. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I knew you would be angry."

He spun on his heel to stare her down, his body vibrating with energy. "Angry? _Angry?_ You've seen me angry, Rose Tyler. This--this is not angry. This is complete and utter disbelief and disappointment in the _one_ person I thought I could always trust." He paused, letting his words sink in. He claimed not to be angry yet the fire flashing in his eyes and the bite in his words told Rose differently. When he spoke next, his tone was softer but no less harsh. "Maybe getting married _was_ a mistake."

Rose felt like she had been punched in the gut. Her jaw dropped and the tears she had been holding back, overflowed silently down her cheeks.

"I can't do this." He backed away, running a hand distractedly through his hair. "I'm sorry. I just...I need to go."

"James, _please_ ," she choked out as he turned away from her.

He shook his head, not looking back, and grabbed his coat then slipped out the door.

Her heart was breaking into a thousand shards and he didn't care.

.....

James slammed the appropriate speed dial key on his mobile as his feet rapidly ate up the pavement. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't bloody care. He had just needed to get _out_.

"James!" Jack's voice answered on the third ring, his enthusiasm grating on James' last nerve.

"Rose is pregnant," James stated flatly. He was thankful for the late hour, meaning minimal people on the street to bother him. Not that he would have noticed or paid them any mind anyhow. The dark cloud that had descended over him was effectively blocking out everything other than those three words and how ill equipped he was to handle it.

"What? Congratulations!"

"Yeah...thanks." He kept his tone dead in an effort to keep the anger and anxiety bottled up.

"You don't sound too happy about it," Jack observed.

"Well, it wasn't exactly planned."

"Neither was getting married if I understood correctly," the other man pointed out.

"This is different," James insisted. He looked both ways then crossed the street, heading away from the oppressive street lamps.

Jack hummed noncommittally. "Do you want to keep the baby?"

"I--I don't know." The question caught him off guard. Jack using the term _baby_ forced James to acknowledge that no matter how much he hadn't wanted to be a father, a life was growing inside of Rose. A life he helped create. He felt an odd twinge in his heart. Would a child that was half Rose, half perfection, really be that bad?

"You there?"

"Yeah, sorry. I...Yes? No? Bit of both." He had reached a near by park, the lights fewer and less bright here. He collapsed on a bench and leaned forward, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm not ready to be a parent. I'm not _fit_ to be a parent."

"What does Rose want?"

"I..." He trailed off, not knowing the answer. He knew he had lashed out but he hadn't even bothered to ask how she felt or what she wanted. Guilt hit him like a brick, right in the back of the head. He raked a hand irritably through his hair, digging his fingers into his scalp.

"James?"

"I don't know," he admitted sheepishly.

"Didn't you two talk about it?"

"Er...sort of?"

"Sort of?"

"I sort of...left after she told me."

"You did _what_?"

James leaned back against the bench and winced. "Stormed out might be a bit more appropriate."

Jack’s voice was low and threatening, "You march your skinny ass back over there right now or I will drag you back there myself."

"She's known for three days!" James shot back defensively. "Didn't bother to tell me till just now."

"That's not--"

"It shouldn't even be possible." How? _How_ did this bloody happen? Guilt and anger warred in his chest, making it hard for him to breathe.

"Do I need to explain to you about the birds and the bees? I'd offer to demonstrate as well, but--"

"Stop it," James warned. He was glad the other man hadn't repeated his previous demand. He knew he needed to go back and apologize to Rose. He just...couldn't yet. Not while his head was still swimming with doubts. "Seriously, Jack. We've used protection, every single time."

"Is it yours?"

"She says it is."

"Do you trust her?"

"Of course I do."

"Then does it really matter how it happened?"

He worked his jaw uselessly.

"Go talk to her, James. Apologize. And for the love of all that is holy, don't fuck this up."

"It's too late."

"No, it's not. You just--"

James yanked the phone away from his ear and ended the call. It would take a miracle for Rose to forgive him, something he was far from worthy of. Married two weeks to the girl of his dreams and he'd already run it into the ground.

.....

James didn't return to Rose's until the following week. She hadn't called or texted or stopped by...neither had he. He couldn't blame her. He couldn't blame her if his apology attempt ended in her telling him to piss off.

He felt a deep pang of regret when she opened the door. Her eyes were red and puffy and her hair was falling out of a poorly attempted bun. He should have listened to Jack that night and apologized immediately instead wallowing in his own self pity.

"What do you want?" she asked tiredly, gripping the door in order to remain upright.

He'd had a whole speech planned, a long list of reasons as to why he was sorry. Inspiration struck and he put the reasons aside for later, he had a better use for his mouth.

Taking her by surprise, he stepped forward and cupped her face in both hands, pressing his lips to hers. Her hands pushed on his chest. He parted his mouth, gently massaging her bottom lip hoping to communicate his remorse. If she pushed again, he would pull back. Her hands tightened on his shirt and she stepped closer. Emboldened by her acceptance, he kissed her tenderly until he tasted the salt of her tears. James broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Rose."

She snuffled and nodded her head.

"When's the...the uh...ultrasound?"

Rose leaned back, searching his eyes. "In two weeks."

"Can I come? Obviously you can say no. I would more than understand, given I've been an extreme arse."

She smiled and his heart skipped a beat. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Brilliant! I believe I owe you breakfast. And then what do you say to a nap?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"Will there be cuddling?"

"Oh, most definitely. I'll even let you pick which spoon to be."

.....

They had spent the morning (and most of the afternoon) lounging in bed. Well, in Rose’s bed. If everything went according to plan, they would soon be sleeping in _their_ bed, in _their_ flat. No, not their flat. Their house.

He’d gotten the first decent sleep he’d had in what felt like a lifetime. Rose had pillowed her head on his chest and slipped into unconsciousness the moment his arms were wrapped around her. It had taken him a little while longer. His brain had kept running an endless loop of what an idiot he’d been until it too gave into exhaustion.

He wasn’t surprised when he woke up before she did. He rolled her gently on to her back and scooted his upper body away from her so he could see her face. A crease formed in her brow at the loss of his warmth. Making a soft shushing sound, he propped himself up on his elbow and slung his other arm over her waist. He pressed his lips to her forehead, erasing her distress with a tender gesture.

How could he have acted so selfishly?

All he had ever wanted was the chance to make Rose Tyler the center of his universe and the first stupid little hurdle they had encountered found him lashing out at her, risking losing her, instead of working together. He was lucky she had welcomed him back with open arms.

She deserved better.

James watched her sleep, her face smooth and peaceful. Angelic. Here in this moment, she was trusting him. Trusting him to stay. Trusting him to make it right. Trusting him with her heart. He’d given her no reason to do so in the past two weeks.

She deserved _so_ much better.

His heart lodged in his throat, unexpected tears pooling in his eyes. He began peppering her face with feather light kisses--her eyes, her nose, her cheeks. He mapped out the contours of her face with his lips, something he wanted desperately to learn in regards to her whole body. It was a work in progress that sorely needed to be finished.

Rose stretched, her legs sliding against his, and her eyelids fluttered open.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“S’ok,” she replied, her voice thick and an adorable lazy grin on her face. “Was time for me to wake up anyway I’m sure.”

“No, not for that. Well, yes that too. You deserve the rest, unlike myself. I should have let you nap while I...I dunno. Cleaned your whole flat or something.” James sucked in a breath, forcing himself to stop rambling and get to the point. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry for-for the way I acted. I was overwhelmed and I took it out on you, like a right arse. It was inexcusable. Forgive me?”

“Yes.”

“But?”

“How do you feel about it now?” Rose asked. He had a sinking feeling that that wasn’t all she had to say.

“I’m honestly not sure. I spent the first few days doing everything I could to _not_ think about it. And when I finally did...I don’t know.” James rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. It doesn’t feel real. Not that I think you’re lying. I’m just...having trouble letting it sink in so that I can properly process it.” He turned to look at her, finding her propped up the way he had been moments before. Letting it all out, admitting how he felt, only left him feeling marginally better. His answer probably wasn’t what she had been hoping for.

Rose nodded, a slow deliberate motion that sealed his impending fate with three painful beats. Anxiety ripped through him as he felt a wall slam down between them. His grip tightened reflexively on her hip. She was right there, right in front of him. He could feel the warmth of her body and the puff of her breath on his chest. So why did he feel like she was a million miles away?

“I need you to know that I still love you, I really do.” Her eyes glistened as she reached out and placed her hand on his chest, right over his heart.

He swallowed hard, forcing the bile burning his throat back down, and nodded once.

Her gaze drifted away from him and she blinked rapidly, forcing back tears. Her chin quivered as she returned her attention to him. “But...after today, I need you to stay away.”

“Rose--”

“Let me finish.”

James couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. Fuck, he couldn’t even breathe. His heart ached as it tore in two.

“I don’t mean stay away forever. And I still want you to come to the scan in a couple weeks. But you need to sort out your feelings. Normally, I would help. I’m your wife, that’s what I’m here for.” She smiled, but he couldn’t bring himself to return the gesture. He bit down on his tongue to keep from screaming.

“James...you didn’t speak to me for a week--don’t interrupt. I know you’re sorry, I can see the guilt and regret in your eyes every time you look at me. It hurts,” she admitted quietly. “But what you did wasn’t fair and it hurt _me_. I intend on keeping the baby. You either need to find a way to accept that or--or not. This was no one’s fault and I won’t force you to be a father. So you need to decide for yourself what you truly want. I won’t hold it against you if you decide to leave.”

“Rose, I--”

“No.” Her eyes cleared, determination lighting a fire in their depths. “Don’t...don’t do it for me. Don’t do it just because you want to be with me. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment and I couldn’t live with myself if you grew to resent me because you never really wanted to be a dad. It needs to be something you want for yourself. Now, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

His world was falling apart and it was all his fault. He felt sick and the tears stinging his eyes made him want to gouge them out. The worst part was that he couldn’t argue, not without making himself look like more of an arse. Guilt settled on his chest, weighing heavily and forcing him to breathe in shallow bursts. Or maybe that was just the impending panic attack…

“Can--” His voice broke. James swallowed roughly and tried again. “Can I hold you?”

Rose bit her lip and nodded, allowing him to pull her into his arms. A tear slipped down his cheek and something in him broke. Drawing in a shuddering breath, he buried his face in her hair and held her so tightly that he was on the verge of crushing her. His hands roamed her body, not in a sensual way, in a frantic needing to know she was right there way. She probably thought he was losing it. He was.

Her own hands clenched the fabric of his shirt and her body shook with silent sobs. He stroked her hair, keeping her close, and muttered a thousand apologies until they had both assumed some degree of calmness and drifted back into the realm of sleep.

…..

James hadn’t planned on it happening. He had actually planned on _not_ shagging her. He didn’t want her to think he was taking advantage of her, because he wasn’t. But...one thing led to another and another and before he knew it they were naked in her bed.

As Rose gasped out his name there were tears in her eyes. Tears that dug scars into his heart and he knew they would last a lifetime. It dawned on him that she had made love to him as if it would be the very last time.

Walking home, alone, he couldn’t honestly say that she was wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies once again for taking so long. Life has really tried to beat me down. But...here we are! Last chapter! Wahoo! Beta'd by the wonderful jabber-who-key. Also, just a reminder, I'm not sure what the standard medical care for pregnancies is in the UK, so all my images and knowledge comes from my experience in the US.

For twelve agonizing days, James spent his time distracting himself at work or making plans. Plans to show Rose how sorry he was. Plans to prove that he really did want to spend the rest of his life with her. Plans to make up for at least a fraction of the pain he had caused her.

Plans he still wasn't sure he was actually going to carry out.

It's not that he wasn't sorry. He was. He was so very miserably sorry. He had barely eaten since he had last seen her, the replay of what she had said to them that night a steady soundtrack to his every move that made his stomach turn unpleasantly. He would probably never completely forgive himself for hurting her the way he had.

It's not that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with her either. He very much did. He had never wanted anything more.

But it wasn't just her anymore. It was her and the baby. A baby he still couldn't seem to wrap his brain around no matter how hard he tried. Shouldn't that be a sign right there that he was totally, completely, _undeniably_ unfit to be a parent?

But what parent was ever 100% confident they were doing everything right? Or _anything_ right for that matter?

He didn't know. He wasn't friends with many parents. Couldn't even think of a single name. Surely someone at work had children?

Did he really want to ask advice from mere acquaintances on such an important matter though?

This is how it had been every night since the last night he had spent with Rose; his mind running uselessly in circles, never reaching a conclusion.

He rolled over in bed and angrily punched his pillow before burying his face in the newly formed indentation. He had hoped to come to some sort of decision before the ultrasound.

He twisted his head to the side, peering at the bedside clock with one eye. He groaned and smashed his face back into the pillow.

Six hours to go and he had no earthly clue what it was that he truly wanted.

.....

He arrived at the clinic five minutes before Rose did. He had shot a text to her that morning, double checking the time and place.

In all actuality he had arrived twenty minutes before her. But he had spent the first fifteen waiting in his car.

Sitting inside the lobby, he flicked the pages of some sports magazine without reading the contents. He stared, unfocused, at the pages spread over his lap, waiting for Rose to arrive. His ankle of one leg rested on the knee if the other and jiggled incessantly. His heart was racing and he felt as if the world around him was muted, like he was looking through a layer of water. The rich blue paint and tastefully chosen art of flowers and smiling babies were not having the intended, and desired, effect of soothing him.

The door to the lobby opened, creating a small breeze in the tiny room. James and the one other occupant, a woman about Rose's age and at least six months pregnant, looked up.

He sucked in a sharp breath. It was Rose, dressed in jeans, trainers, and a plain lavender jumper. She was stunningly radiant. She ran a hand through her hair, calming the wind tossed strands as she cast her eyes around the room. Even from this distance, he could see her posture relax as her gaze locked with his. She gave him a small smile then walked to the reception desk to check in.

When she was finished, Rose came and sat beside him. He could smell her strawberry shampoo and he yearned to reach out to her, to touch her in some reassuring way. She made no move to close the distance between them, using the wooden arms of the chairs as a firm barrier. Guilt and hurt gnawed at his insides.

James caught her nibbling her thumb from the corner of his eye. Fuck, he was a selfish bastard. Here he was, feeling sorry for himself just because she wasn’t paying him enough attention. Yet she would have no way of knowing what _he_ had decided and she was probably nervous about the scan without the added concern of if he was going to stay with her or not. He balled his left hand into a tight fist, until his nails dug into his palm. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and wiped his mind clear.

 _Rose_.

He was here for Rose.

“Nervous?” he asked softly, leaning towards her but respecting her space.

She froze, thumb between her teeth. Her eyes were fixed on some unseen object before her and she took in a shaky breath.

 _Shit_.

Could he do anything right? Maybe he should have kept his fat gob shut. Maybe he shouldn’t have even come at all.

“I didn’t think you would come,” she admitted, raw vulnerability making her voice break. She continued to stare ahead, dropping her hand into her lap.

“Rose…” He poured every ounce of remorse and love into her name, begging her to look at him. He wanted her to see that the dark circles under her eyes matched his own, that his skin was just as red and splotchy from tears beneath the freshly cleansed facade as hers. That he needed her just as much as she needed him. If not more.

He could tell she was holding her breath as she turned to look at him, much slower than he would have liked. Maybe that was just his brain playing tricks on him, slowing down time around them to emphasize what an ass he had been and force him to see just how bad he had hurt her so that he would (hopefully) never do it again.

Even if he _still_ had no idea what his final decision was going to be.

Staring into her eyes, some long forgotten quote about eyes being the window to a person’s soul flitted uselessly in his mind. Tears were building in her eyes, making them shine and clouding the emotions she was currently feeling from his view. Or was it his eyes that were fighting back tears and making the world blurry? If he looked away for the slightest fraction of a second and the skewed vision was still there, he would know it was him. He couldn’t bring himself to find out. The need to keep watching her burned too intensely within his chest.

Something like comfort settled around them, warm and reassuring. Uncertainty hovered at the edges of their own little bubble. But for now he felt like he was in the right place at the right time. It hit him, painfully and directly in his heart, that he always felt this way around Rose, as if they were made for each other.

The breath she had been holding came out in a shaky sigh, and her eyes dropped to his lips in a movement so quick he nearly missed it.

He became lightheaded, whether from holding his own breath or talking himself in frantic circles as to whether he should kiss her or not, he wasn’t sure.

“Rose Tyler,” a high, cheery voice called out.

James blinked rapidly and pulled back, Rose turning her head in the direction of the voice. A nurse, he realized. One they hadn’t even heard come into the waiting area.

“Yeah?” Rose responded.

“You’re up,” the nurse replied with a wide, friendly smile.

Rose glanced at him over her shoulder.

“After you,” he whispered, standing up and holding his arm out to further indicate he would follow.

She got up and walked towards the nurse, who was now holding open the door to the hidden maze of offices and waiting medical rooms. James followed both the women, tuning out their quiet chit chat and shuddering as he walked through the door. He hated medical buildings, avoided them at all costs. He had spent far too much time in them as a boy when his mother had fallen ill. Time that didn’t make one lick of difference when it came to being able to heal her and give her her life back. This was just a grim reminder of death and how inevitably it will catch up to you, usually much sooner than anticipated.

He found himself being seated next to Rose in a surprisingly large room. It had to be larger than most other rooms to hold the exam table and medical gadgetry necessary for the scan he reasoned out as the nurse left the room. He barely registered the woman saying that the doctor would be with them in a few minutes.

James snorted. More like in an hour.

“What’s so funny?”

“Hmm?” He jerked his head to look at Rose beside him. “Oh, that? Nothing. Just...she said in a few minutes and I am finding myself to be highly doubtful.”

She shook her head, a small smile tugged momentarily on her lips.

“Why aren’t you on the exam table?”

“Were you not listening?”

“Er...sorry. I sort of, quite unintentionally I assure you...spaced out.”

“Unintentionally?” She crossed her arms, leaning away from him and scowling.

He scratched at the back of his neck and looked down at the floor. His reasoning suddenly seemed incredibly lame. “I don’t like medical facilities,” he mumbled.

Silence stretched between them once more, long and infinite and crushing. He had cocked it up, _again_. Surely he was well past strike three and should just be kicked to the curb so that Rose could find someone who wasn’t so useless.

“I’m sorry.”

He glanced up, finding her watching him with sympathy instead of judgement.

“I forgot...about your parents. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he choked out, his throat dry and scratchy. Images of hospital upon hospital, doctor upon doctor, useless tests upon useless tests sprang into his mind and he mentally batted at them. He hadn’t thought about the death of his mother in a very long time. No one ever did find out what had caused her illness and untimely death. His father was never the same after that. He let his eyes slip shut, gathering up all the painful memories one by one, ever so carefully, and thrust them into a deep recess of his brain before one could slip from his grip. At least all those years of practice still came into use.

The sound of a knock on the door made his eyes whip open. A woman who looked to be in her mid-forties entered slowly, another smiling face here to greet them.

Within seconds of the doctor sitting down and introducing herself, beginning to explain the procedure and trying to address any concerns, James found himself having an out of body experience. He could hear the words that Rose and the doctor were saying, but he could no longer comprehend them. He didn’t feel the leather seat beneath his rear, but instead a solid weight along his entire backside, as if he were pressed against the ceiling. Being on the ceiling would explain the weird view he was having of looking down on the two women. But it didn’t explain how he was looking at himself, at his entire body, if he was, in fact, now on the ceiling. And how did he even get there? How was he not falling?

How was the James below him sitting there so bloody calmly while everything happened around him. He was so busy yelling at himself for being a fool that he didn’t need to consciously avert his eyes while Rose was changing. And when had the doctor left the room? When had Rose ended up on the exam table, trousers exchanged for a loose blanket that covered her bottom half?

The doctor rentered, her mouth moving, but no sound reaching his ears. She positioned herself on a stool at Rose’s feet, pulling on latex gloves and prepping the machine.

The ultrasound was about to start and he was going to miss it.

At least the James down below would be getting a good view and had moved in closer to Rose, like a good husband should. The monitor, displaying what was going on inside Rose’s body, holding all the answers to so many of their questions flickered to life. He couldn’t see what was on the screen from his current angle, only that there was a muted light emanating from where he knew the screen to be. He caught Rose’s awkward wince as the doctor inserted the end of the sonogram probe in a place James was highly possessive of.

What the bloody hell was he doing on the _ceiling_?

His heart raced and his chest became unbearably tight, resulting in a distinct light headedness. He was going to pass out. What would happen? Would he fall from the ceiling? Remain up there for eons on end, never knowing what happened between Rose and the James standing rigidly at her side?

The doctor’s mouth was moving again, and James began screaming, infuriated at himself for not being able to hear what was happening. Hot tears burned the back of his eyes.

Something in him snapped. Or maybe his whole body snapped. He wasn’t sure. He was only sure of the fuzzy resolution on the monitor, a small blob with something flickering rapidly in the center of black nothingness.

“--perfectly normal heartbeat,” the doctor said with a smile.

James grabbed Rose’s hand, squeezing tightly as if he were afraid of floating back up to his private plateau of hell.

He was back. He was where he belonged, with Rose. Tears still pooled in his eyes, one rolling down his cheek as his heart overflowed with so much joy he thought it would burst. Rose looked up at him in concern, moisture glistening in her own eyes, a relieved smile on her face that was not echoed in her gaze.

He had nearly lost everything that was proving to be the most important to him. He knew without a doubt what his answer would be. How could it be anything else?

He raised her hand, tenderly brushing his lips across her knuckles. “I love you.”

The sparkle he loved so much finally surged into her eyes, as if she knew what he was really saying.

This was Rose, of course she knew.

…..

James stood on the sidewalk just outside the clinic, hands thrust into his pockets and feeling substantially lighter than he had in weeks. The cloudy grey sky overhead did nothing to dampen his spirits. Let it rain if the earth decided to do so. Rain was good. Rain brought new life. He took a deep breath, a smile on his face as he thought about the tiny new life blossoming in Rose’s belly.

The door opened behind him and he spun around quickly, grinning from ear to ear as Rose exited the building. He had given her space to finish checking out and set her next appointment, or whatever else she had to do. It was all he could do to not wrap her in his arms and hold her as close as physically possible. He owed her a proper apology and a proper answer before he attempted to return their relationship to normal.

“So…” she began, watching him carefully, like he was a wild animal she didn’t want to startle away.

“Will you go out with me?” he blurted, rocking forward on his toes.

“Excuse me?” She was blinking rapidly, caution morphing into concern.

“Will you go out with me? On a date? I mean, I know we’re still, er, that is _legally_ speaking, we’re still married. But I was wondering, sort of hoping really, that you would like to go out on a date with me. A proper date.”

“James, I--”

“Please.” He stepped forward, closing the distance between them in one easy movement. He hesitated, drawing in a shaky breath, before placing his forehead against hers. “Let me make it up to you,” he whispered.

Rose bit her lip, her breathing uneven, and eventually nodded her head.

“Brilliant!” he exclaimed, jumping back and giving a delighted little turn which he nearly miscalculated, coming dangerously close to falling face first off the sidewalk. Rose’s resulting laughter was more than worth the embarrassment. “I’ll pick you up tonight, around 6:30. That’s-that’s ok, yeah? I mean...if not, we can do it some other time. I just sort of figured...why wait?”

She shook her head, this time being the one to erase the distance between them. He sucked in a breath then stopped breathing altogether. “That’s fine.” She stretched onto her tiptoes, placing a quick peck on his cheek then quickly stepped back.

All he could do was stare at her, dumbfounded.

Her cheeks flushed and she began to walk toward the car park. “See you at 6:30,” she called over her shoulder.

He had one errand he _needed_ to get done before this evening. The rest was just minor details he could wing as he went.

Releasing the breath he had been holding, he headed towards his own vehicle. Maybe he could fix this after all.

.....

James stood in front of the display case, the bright fluorescent lighting bouncing off the items, giving them the appearance of tiny stars.

Tiny, expensive stars.

Stars made exclusively from carbon that had been pressurized at great length and then unearthed to be cut and polished with painstaking care.

The ring he was currently staring at while he patiently waited for the clerk to finish up with the prior customer was by no means the most expensive piece of jewelry in the store. It wasn’t the cheapest either. Not that price mattered. When it came to Rose he would spend all the money he owned to find a way to capture an actual star for her to wear on her finger if that’s what she wished. He had been in this particular store multiple times with Mickey when he had been ring shopping for Martha. For some reason this ring had always caught his eye.

The day Rose and James accompanied Mickey to pick up Martha’s ring, he finally knew why. While Mickey and the clerk had inspected Martha’s ring, James had followed Rose as she perused the items in the store. She didn’t own much jewelry, but she had always loved to browse.

They had happened upon the case and she had stopping meandering to slowly bend down and peer through the glass. James had been rambling, about what now he couldn’t recall, but had stopped mid sentence, his heart in his throat when he noticed which ring she was looking at.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she had breathed.

He had to tear his eyes away from watching her to look down, pretending he didn’t know which ring she was examining. “Which one?”

“That one,” she had said, pointing.

James was by no means an expert, but he knew enough to make a fairly educated guess that the ring was at least half a carat from the large center stone alone. It was princess cut, a sharp contrast to the smaller and rounder stones flanking its sides, two on each. Maybe it was the white gold or maybe it was the two glistening sapphires snuggled closely to the square diamond that pulled the appearance together.

“If I ever get married, I’d want a ring like that.” She had said it wistfully, as if it were a far off dream that was never going to happen.

He had known then, without a doubt that she was the one, the love his heart ached for. A love he had been convinced that she would never, ever, return. He had vaguely known before that moment that he loved her but he had been trying to move on, to forget about his feelings for her. He couldn't after that.

“Ah, Mr Noble, so sorry to keep you waiting.” The clerk hurried down the aisle behind the cases towards James, an apologetic smile plastered on his face.

“Please, call me James,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. “I don't mind waiting. Be sort of ridiculous for me to get irritated with that, there's only one of you after all.”

The other man relaxed. “Thank you. So how may I assist you today, James?”

“I'd like to buy a ring. Oh...er, hopefully you have it in her size. I didn't even think about that…” James scratched the back of his neck. “No matter. If I need to bring it back later to size it, so be it. If you wouldn't mind, it'll be--”

“This one?” The clerk asked with a bemused grin. He had already slid the case door open and was reaching under the glass, pointing at the very ring James was intending to buy.

“Yes. How did you…” James trailed off, completely stunned.

“You've been in here quite a lot.”

“Most of that was with Mickey Smith.”

“It's my job to notice what people are truly wanting.” The man paused, smile widening as he pulled the ring from its velvety display. “Miss Tyler is lucky that someone else was also paying attention.”

James shook his head with a rue chuckle. “I'd say you're due for a raise.”

…..

James forced himself to take a long, slightly exaggerated--probably a bit more than slightly--deep breath before shaking his arms out and knocking on the door to Rose’s flat.

The door opened as he was mid second knock. Rose smiled up at him, almost shyly.

“I've been ready for at least twenty minutes,” she offered by way of explanation.

“Oh.” He blinked and dropped his hand. Rose was _never_ ready on time, let alone early. “Why didn't you say so? I could have come earlier.”

“I didn't want to rush you.”

“I was ready well over half an hour ago. I even took the long, long way getting here. And yes, it is different from just the long way. No, I'm not telling you how. Other than it wasn't nearly long enough. I had to lap around your flat seven times before it was prudent for me to park. I--what? What's so funny?”

“Just...you.” Rose giggled once more then gave him an adoring smile that made him weak at the knees.

He smiled back, knots that had been building in his stomach slowly untying and sending relief through him.

“Shall we go?” she prodded after a moment.

“Hmm? Oh, yes! Yes, we should.” He took a step back and offered her his elbow. “May I?”

She bit her lip, her cheeks flushing. “Before we go...is this alright?” She gestured to her clothes. “I wasn't sure what to wear since you wouldn't tell me where we were going.”

James swept his gaze up and down her frame, taking in the black boots that climbed up to just below her knee, the grey leggings that clung to her legs like a second skin, and finally the lavender a-line dress she wore that fluttered around mid thigh and dipped just enough at the neckline. He nervously cleared his throat. Thinking that her clothes would look better strewn across his bedroom floor would most likely not be helpful in the current situation.

He found himself to not be nearly as hungry as he thought, at least not the kind of hunger that could be satisfied with food. The urge to ask her the question that had been burning in his mind for the past few hours was becoming too much to hang on to. He was going to end up dropping the question much sooner than he wanted.

“James?”

“Right, sorry. You look absolutely lovely. Brilliant. Perfect. Molto bene.”

“But is this ok for dinner?”

“Dinner. About that...we’re not going to dinner.” He jiggled his still waiting arm in the air, urging her to take it.

“We're not? But I thought you said--”

“Change of plans.”

“I didn't--

“Not to worry,” he assured, holding up a hand to further silence her protests. “You'll still get food. I'm not going to let my pregnant wife go hungry.”

She smiled weakly in response. He mentally kicked himself while taking an agitated hand through his hair, tugging on the strands as he did so. Idiot.

“Sorry. I didn't--I shouldn't--I--”

“No,” she said in a soft but stern voice. She placed a hand on his forearm.

He watched her in fear, mouth hanging open. Fear that she was changing her mind and about to tell him to get lost.

“ _I’m_ sorry.”

“For what?” His arm was growing tired of being held up awkwardly between them, but now that she was touching him, he didn't dare drop it.

“My reaction. You're obviously trying to make it up to me...or something.”

“I don't think I could ever make up for the way I hurt you. And I'm so sorry, because I wish more than anything that I could.”

“I know,” she choked out, reaching up to cup his cheek. “The point is, you're making an effort. So...fresh start?”

“Yeah?” He croaked out, unable to believe his luck.

“Yes.”

James leaned into her hand, savoring the gentle touch. He took a deep breath, then reached up and took her hand, a wide, genuine smile breaking out over his face.

“Well, Rose Tyler. Are you ready?”

She turned away from him slightly to pull the door to her flat closed. When she looked back at him, he was delighted to see that her returning grin reached her eyes this time. She nodded vigorously.

“Allons-y!” He took off down the hall, only going at a bit of a light jog. Rose’s giggle filled his ears, the lightness of it lifting his spirits--and his hope. 

Everything could work out alright in the end.

…..

Their first stop was a local art gallery. It happened to be displaying a collection of abstract paintings from up and coming local artists for the weekend. The affair itself wasn't high class or overly formal, but the guest list was tight. James _happened_ to be able to acquire the admittance of himself and a plus one, Rose of course. She didn't ask how he got the tickets, nor did he think she much cared.

Her eyes had immediately lit up and this time it was her tugging impatiently on his hand, leading him up the stairs to the entrance. He chuckled under his breath and came even with her in one long stride, squeezing her hand gently.

He had spent hours pouring over information on the artists and the particular paintings on display, intending to impress her with his knowledge. However, one look at how beautiful and entranced Rose was simply standing and looking at the first painting and all the carefully gleaned knowledge temporarily fled his brain.

The painting was a swirling mass of greens and sky blues with subtle pops of yellow dotted throughout. He couldn't make heads or tails of it. Of course, he could appreciate the simple beauty of it and the obvious care the artist had taken to produce the piece. But abstract art never truly drew him in the way other art forms did. It was too subjective for his liking.

“Reminds me of playing on the playground near the estate when I was a kid,” Rose whispered, eyes still glued to the picture and her voice thick with emotion.

James sucked in a sharp breath and had to pound his chest to restart his heart before following her to the next item on display.

He wasn't sure how much time passed while they were in the gallery. It could have been minutes. It could have been years. For all he cared they could have been frozen in this one moment forever, the rest of time and space flowing around them at its usual pace, but leaving them untouched in this one precious moment.

The paintings were all a blur to him, a dull background to his object of focus. Rose. The soft light made her complexion appear utterly flawless, as if she herself were a painted masterpiece. Her dress flowed effortlessly with her movements. He was torn as to what his favorite thing about watching her currently was--the subtle shift of expressions on her face as she examined each piece or the way her hand would absently rub her belly as she did so.

Rose’s time was spent marveling at the paintings.

James was marveling her.

….

Their second, and arguably most important, stop of the night was to acquire food. His intended elaborate plan once again went out the window. Taking the time to pick up everything for a romantic picnic under the stars would take far too long. But what if this one part of the plan was the key to her answering his question favorably? He should have bought everything ahead of time. His desire for the food to be fresh and lacking in the “how long has this been in your car” taste now seemed ridiculous.

What could he possibly grab that was quick _and_ tasty? Indian take out? What if the spices were too much for her now? There was always their fall back, chips. But...what if that seemed boring and like he had put no thought into this whole affair?

James wracked his brain in a panic, running out of options the closer they got to their ultimate destination.

Rose’s not so subtle stomach grumble and muttered comment about dying for some chips was all the convincing he needed.

…..

“I was beginning to think you’d never feed me,” Rose teased, spearing another chip to pop in her mouth. They were sitting comfortably on a brown and blue striped blanket on the top of a hill at a nearby park. She had eaten half of her portion during the rest of the drive and the short walk to where they now sat. James was prepared to share what remained of his. He hadn’t eaten much of it due to the butterflies swarming in the pit of his stomach.

“I wouldn’t dream of ever doing such a thing,” he scoffed. “Pregnant or no.”

“Oh?”

He hummed an affirmative around a bite. “The three things Rose Tyler needs in life. One, sleep. That’s the _obvious_ one. Thus...numero uno.”

She rolled her eyes, yet giggled and shifted closer. He placed his chips on the ground so that he could prop his arm up behind her, allowing for minor but much desired physical contact. He let out a deep sigh as she leaned into him.

“Number two?”

“Ah, yes. Number two is almost nearly as important as number one. A strong morning cuppa before doing anything more than getting out of bed to drink said morning cuppa.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Are you gonna finish that?” She set her empty paper to the side, pointing at his still uneaten portion with her fork.

“It’s all yours,” he offered grandly, scooping it up with his left hand and handing it to her, biting his tongue so as not to call her _my love_. One step at a time. “Which brings me to the final item on the list. Food.”

“Oi!”

“Now, just...hang on. You are not one to gripe and complain about it. I’m sure if the situation called for it you could go without food for a very long period of time without being dramatic. However, you cannot deny that you are a much happier individual when you are fed every two to three hours.”

She glared up at him, stuffing the rest of his chips in her mouth as quickly as she could. He could detect a trace of a smile on her lips. He chuckled and looked up at the sky.

This was one of his favorite parks in the city. Just far enough away from the light pollution to get a decent glimpse of the stars without having to drive out to the middle of nowhere. Although...he wasn’t opposed to that option either. 

“You forgot about number four,” she whispered.

“Hmm?”

“The fourth thing I need in my life.”

He furrowed his brow and looked down at her. “And what would that be?”

She bit her lip for an instant, soft vulnerability brightly shining in her eyes. “You.”

His heart stopped beating and he felt the world spin dangerously. He leaned forward, the only remaining thought left in his brain being of kissing her. She tilted her chin up, letting him come to her but not shying away.

At the last moment, he pulled back and collapsed onto the ground.

“Stand up.”

“James, what in the bloody--”

“Just--no, wait. Hang on. I don’t think that bit matters, as long as you’re above me.” He rolled around in a flurry of limbs, digging the ring box out of his pocket while she tried to get him to explain. Lying flat on his stomach, he propped himself up on his elbows and cleared his throat. “I have a very, very, _tremendously_ bad habit of mucking things up. I’d like to say that I’ll stop, but I can’t promise that. All I can promise is that I will try. But you...you have never been a mistake. Nothing we have done or created together has been a mistake.”

“What are you saying?” she asked quietly.

“Asking, Rose. Asking.” He popped the box open. Her eyes widened and her hands covered her mouth. She looked back at him with tears shimmering beneath her lashes. “Rose Tyler, will you marry me?”

“Is this real?”

“The ring? Yes, of course. I--”

“No. Not the ring. _This_.”

“Oh, yes. I would very much like you to marry me. Properly. If you want.”

She let out a choked sob and awkwardly tackled him. He rolled onto his back to better hold her.

“Is that a maybe?”

“It’s a yes, you git.” She pressed her lips to his. “Wait, what about…” she trailed off, swallowing hard.

He didn’t need her to explain. He knew.

“I want both of you. Forever.”


End file.
